


Complicated Relationship

by angstytimelord



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Anal Sex, First Time, M/M, Oral Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-22
Updated: 2015-03-24
Packaged: 2018-02-09 23:53:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 15,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2002851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angstytimelord/pseuds/angstytimelord
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's enough for Will to be friends with Hannibal. Or is it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Unwind

This was something he needed to do more often.

Will sighed in contentment as he reeled his fishing line in slowly, looking around him for Winston. The other dogs hadn't come with them today; it was just the two of them.

Winston was lying on the bank of the river, gnawing at a stick that Will had thrown for him a few times. He couldn't help but smile at the sight of the dog; he was concentrating so fully on his stick that Will had the feeling he was in some sort of doggy heaven.

He himself was feeling good; he hadn't been fishing in a while, and usually, when he fished, he was in high boots in the middle of the water.

But today, he had opted to bring a picnic lunch and sit on the riverbank, not really expecting to catch any fish, just wanting to spend the day relaxing and letting his mind drift. He didn't want to think about cases, or the Chesapeake Ripper, or anything else in his life.

He just wanted to enjoy himself. That wasn't always easy for him to do, but today, he was determined to get away from all the stress.

He was tired of stress. He was tired of thinking too much.

This was just what the doctor ordered -- well, if he was seeing a doctor, Will thought with a soft laugh. In a way, he was, though Hannibal wasn't technically his psychiatrist. Still, he _was_ a doctor, and they _did_ have sessions now and then.

But it was more in the nature of helping a friend than actually having psychiatric sessions, Will reminded himself. Just two people talking, that was all.

Though there _did_ seem to be times when Hannibal concentrated far too intently on what he said, as though he was taking mental notes and recording Will's words.

Will shook off that feeling, refusing to countenance it. Hannibal didn't have any ulterior motives for wanting to help him; even though Jack had asked that Hannibal evaluate him, Will didn't believe that the other man was still doing so. Those days were long over.

No, he and Hannibal had the free and easy camaraderie of friendship between them. He needed nothing else from the man other than what they shared. He didn't _want_ anything else from their friendship, he told himself, his inner voice strong and firm.

Will pushed away the little voice that told him he was lying to himself. _You want more than friendship from Hannibal, and you know it._

No. He didn't. He wasn't even going to think that there could be more. He didn't need more, he didn't want more. He was happy with the status quo just as it was.

He cast the line out again, this time with a frown on his face. The direction his thoughts were going wasn't the one he had wanted them to take. He didn't want to think about Hannibal, or about anything in his life other than just taking it easy.

He needed this time off, to let his mind drift and to unwind.

Thinking about Hannibal was _not_ unwinding, he told himself firmly, pushing those thoughts away. It was only tying his mind in more complicated knots.

His complicated relationship with Hannibal wasn't something that he needed to contemplate. It was enough that they were friends; he didn't need to think about the shadows that surrounded the other man, or the little flashes of desire that he felt whenever they were close.

Such things weren't important. They only made him feel more confused, unsure of just what he wanted and needed. Those thoughts made him feel .... unsettled.

Will reeled in the fishing line more quickly this time, scowling as he did so. His peace and serenity were gone; he knew that these thoughts of Hannibal and whatever their relationship was, or might be -- or what he might want it to be -- had taken away his calmness.

He wouldn't be able to think of anything else now. He'd successfully managed to shake himself out of that peacefulness he'd needed, and he couldn't get it back.

Nothing to do now but go home -- and focus on the thoughts that he'd tried to shut away.

With a soft sigh, he got to his feet, whistling for Winston and putting away his fishing pole. He hadn't even had lunch; maybe he should eat before he went back home.

That was a good idea, he told himself. Maybe if he did that, then he'd be able to regain the serenity he had felt earlier. Maybe he would be able to get those disturbing thoughts of wanting more from his relationship with Hannibal out of his mind.

Yes, that was what he needed to do. If he sat here and ate something, he'd feel better, and his equilibrium would return. Maybe he'd even fish a little more.

Will's head jerked around when he heard soft footsteps in the brush behind him; he hadn't thought that he would be disturbed here. There were a few people who knew of this place and his love for it, of course, but he hadn't thought they would track him down.

Why did his heart leap when Hannibal stepped out of the wooded area, a smile on his face, wearing casual clothes and carrying a large picnic basket?

"Hello, Will." The softly spoken words sent a wave of desire flooding over him.


	2. More Palatable Fare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Does Hannibal's presence here mean more than it appears to? Will doesn't dare to let himself hope that it might be so.

"H-Hannibal." Will could barely get the single word out.

His mouth felt dry, his tongue tied in knots, his throat constricted. Why was it suddenly so hard to talk to someone he considered his friend?

Because he wanted more than that friendship, that voice in the back of his mind told him. Because he looked at this man and he didn't feel mere friendship -- he felt _desire_ , an aching longing that wasn't ever going to go away as long as it went unfulfilled.

There was no reason for him to feel this way about Hannibal, he told himself, trying to push that voice away. It was useless, really. Those feelings weren't returned.

Or were they? That voice in his head piped up again, telling him that Hannibal wouldn't be here if he didn't have something in mind. Why would his psychiatrist have gone to the trouble of driving out to Wolf Trap and coming here to the lake if he wasn't looking for more?

No, he wasn't going to think that way, Will told himself firmly. Not until he had proof of just why Hannibal was here. He shouldn't jump to conclusions.

Still, he was here, and that said something.

Hannibal sat down carefully on the riverbank beside him; Will was surprised that he hadn't brought a blanket to protect his dark slacks from the sand.

"I did bring a blanket, but I decided that it was best to leave it in the car," Hannibal told him, laughing and raising an eyebrow at Will's look of astonishment. "I am not reading your mind, Will. It was written on your face, the question. I thought it deserved an answer."

Will had to laugh at that, shaking his head ruefully. "I know you can't read minds, Hannibal. But sometimes you seem to know me far too well."

Hannibal nodded sagely, indicating the picnic basket he had brought.

"I thought that you might not have eaten," he said, casting a disparaging look at the small ham and cheese sandwich that Will had brought with him.

Will blushed, knowing that Hannibal probably had what he would consider a feast in that basket. This man never did anything by halves; when Hannibal made a gesture, it was usually a grand one, and this seemed to be no exception to that rule.

Why was he here? Why had he gone to all of the bother of apparently canceling his appointment for the day and driving out to Wolf Trap to see a friend?

Will's breath caught in his throat as the obvious answer went through his mind; Hannibal had come here to take their friendship a step further, to push things over the boundary from friendship to .... something more. This was meant to be a first foray into the future.

Or was that _really_ the reason? Maybe he had just come here to talk about something; again, he was jumping to conclusions when he had no proof. Maybe he should simply _ask_ Hannibal why he was here, and get the question out into the open.

He couldn't ask Hannibal why he was here. It would seem too abrupt, like he was casting out a line as if it held a fishing lure on the end.

Well, that _was_ what he would be doing, wasn't it? He would be fishing for the reason why Hannibal was here, and he doubted that he would catch anything. He didn't think that Hannibal would reveal the real reason why he'd come here, not without dancing around the subject.

"I wanted to see you today," Hannibal said, his tone calm. "If you're wondering why I'm here, that is the reason, Will. I simply wanted to enjoy your company."

Again, it was as though Hannibal could read his mind.

"I was wondering about that," Will murmured, unable to meet Hannibal's clear, steady gaze. He could feel the pink blush rising to his cheeks, a testament to his embarrassment.

"I knocked at the door, but when you didn't answer, I thought that you might be here." Hannibal leaned back on his elbows, as casual position that Will couldn't ever remember having seen him assume. "It is a lovely day. It's good to be out doing something."

Will bit back the instant response that it was an even better day now that Hannibal was here; that veered too close to his innermost feelings for it to be said.

Those words would take this conversation in an entirely different direction.

"I just came out here to unwind and do a little fishing," he mumbled, then thought that it was a stupid thing to say. It was more than obvious what he was doing.

"You didn't bring much of a lunch," Hannibal told him, picking up the picnic basket. "It's a good thing that I have more palatable fare than a dry sandwich." He opened the basket, taking out a small cloth that he spread over the ground.

Will had to smile at that; he should have known that Hannibal would bring something akin to a blanket if he intended to have lunch here. That was just his style.

He watched silently as Hannibal took potato salad, a loaf of French bread, brie, and a rotisserie chicken from inside the basket. He was startled when the other man finally produced a bottle of wine and two crystal flutes; he knew that Hannibal was elegance personified, but this was too much.

"Wine in crystal glasses?" he queried; this time it was his turn to raise an eyebrow. "Outside, by a grassy riverbank? We're not dining in an elegant hotel."

Hannibal shook his head, a small smile curving his lips.

"Any place can be made elegant if you have the imagination to do so," he answered, his tone light and even a bit playful. "Such fare deserves better than a can of soda for accompaniment."

So saying, he cast Will a glance that made the younger man shiver, the wave of desire that he'd felt earlier flooding over him again. The way Hannibal looked at him made him feel as though _he_ was the "more palatable fare" that he had mentioned.

He didn't dare let himself hope that was the case; Hannibal was probably just here to talk, to have a friendly conversation with a friend. There was nothing more to his visit than that.

He wasn't here looking for more than friendship. That couldn't be the case. If Hannibal shared Will's feelings, he would have said something about it long ago. Hannibal wasn't the type of person to hold himself back; he would have made his intentions clear already.

"It looks great," Will said, feeling his stomach jump as he accepted the glass of wine that Hannibal poured for him. "Thanks for bringing this."

When his eyes met Hannibal's, any other words faded from his lips.


	3. All in Good Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hannibal wants nothing more than to take a figurative bite out of Will.

He almost wanted to laugh at the expression on Will's face.

But, of course, Hannibal wouldn't let himself do that. He knew that he was walking on a tightrope; he couldn't afford to make one wrong move.

One step in the wrong direction, and Will would back away from him, skittering off like a frightened rabbit. He wasn't going to take that chance, not that he finally had Will exactly where he wanted him, in a vulnerable position. Not when the two of them were completely alone.

Well, not _completely_ alone. The dogs were here. But they were animals; as much as they cared for Will, and vice versa, they hardly counted as company.

Though he would accept them as a part of his life, for Will's sake.

At the moment, though, he wasn't thinking about their future together -- all he was focusing on was right here and now, in the present.

He wanted nothing more than to take a bite out of Will -- well, figuratively, of course, not literally. He wasn't going to introduce Will to the secret side of his life now, if ever. He simply wanted the two of them to get closer -- and to assuage Will's fears about him.

He wanted to kiss those perfect lips until Will was gasping his name, begging for more. He wanted to strip the clothing from that beautiful body and ....

Hannibal mentally reined himself in, admonishing himself for letting his fantasies move forward too quickly. One thing at a time, he cautioned himself inwardly.

If he moved too quickly, he would frighten Will, and send him scuttling back into his self-imposed isolation. He had vowed to himself that he would draw Will out of that aloofness, that he would uncover a side to this young man that no one had ever seen before.

A sensual side that would surprise even Will himself. A side that Will would probably never have imagined he possessed, if not for this day, this moment, and Hannibal's insistence.

With that thought, he leaned closer to the young man, their gazes locking.

Reluctantly, Hannibal forced himself to pull back just when his lips were close enough to brush across that delectable mouth. Not too quickly, his inner voice cautioned.

"I thought it would be a nice idea to enjoy a picnic together, and this is a very picturesque spot," Hannibal said, keeping his voice smooth as he leaned back. He didn't miss the flash of disappointment that crossed Will's features; that expression made him smile.

Will _did_ want him. He couldn't doubt that now. He was sure that young man wanted to take a bite just as badly as he did, to sample heretofore unknown pleasures.

And he would introduce Will to every one of those pleasures, all in good time.


	4. An Honest Answer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will wonders whether or not he would get an honest answer from Hannibal if he asked outright just what this little picnic is all about.

This didn't feel like anything Will had ever experienced before. 

Maybe because it was like nothing that had ever happened to him before, Will told himself wryly. Trust Hannibal to come up with something completely different.

He couldn't let the other man see just how frazzled he was; he didn't want Hannibal to know that the near-kiss had made his heart begin to pound like a triphammer. He sat back, taking a deep breath and forcing a smile, trying to look cool and composed.

Hannibal didn't look as though he was the least bit moved by how close they had been only a few seconds ago as he picked up a knife to carve the chicken.

The other man looked calm, cool, and collected -- while Will felt as though his heart was racing at triple its normal speed, and he was so hot and bothered that it felt as if his clothes were suddenly too small for his body, that they were sticking uncomfortably to his skin.

This was ridiculous, he told himself firmly. This was nothing but a friendly picnic -- Hannibal had said that himself. He didn't need to make a big deal out of it.

But somehow, it _felt_ like more than it seemed to be.

There was really no reason for Hannibal to be here; Will didn't think he'd just decided to pack a picnic lunch and drive out hee on the spur of the moment. No, this felt as though Hannibal had planned it out, as though he wanted some specific outcome from this day.

Will glanced at Hannibal as the other man continued to carve the chicken; just what did he expect out of this day? What was he after?

He wanted to ask, but somehow, that seemed .... well, disrespectful. What if Hannibal had no more motive in coming here than just what he'd said -- for them to have a picnic and enjoy each other's company? If that was all Hannibal wanted, then he'd sound foolish.

And if he wanted more .... well, then they could move forward cautiously, and see what happened. But Will didn't want to openly _ask_ for more.

"You look so confused, Will," Hannibal told him, his tone almost amused. "If there is something that you want to ask me, then feel free to do so. We aren't in a session. There is no need to hold yourself back. I am completely at your disposal."

Will raised an eyebrow, unsure of whether to believe that or not.

"If I asked you something, would you give me an honest answer?" he queried. "Or would you just manage to skate around the subject?"

Hannibal sat back, seeming to contemplate the question. It seemed like a long time before he ventured an answer; Will waited with bated breath to hear it.

"Yes, I would give you an honest answer," Hannibal finally said, his voice quiet. "It's what you deserve -- and what _I_ myself deserve, as well. I would not want to taint this day, or our growing relationship, with a lie, not at this early stage of things."

Relationship? Will could hardly believe the words he had just heard. He almost wanted to ask Hannibal to repeat them, just to be sure he had heard correctly.

Hannibal considered them to be in a _relationship_? How could that be? They'd never even kissed, or discussed how they felt about each other. How could he --

"I _do_ consider us to be in something of a relationship, Will," Hannibal told him, his gaze fixed on Will's face as he spoke. "How could we not be? We are more intimate, in some ways, than people who are sharing their bodies. We share our minds."

Will couldn't really argue with that; Hannibal was right. He _did_ share his mind with this man, and in some ways, Hannibal knew him more intimately than a lover would.

But he wanted more than that. He wanted that knowledge to move from the space it was currently confined in to a more physical plane of being. He wanted them to be _truly_ intimate.

How could he tell Hannibal that, without seeming .... well, desperate?

The simple answer was .... he couldn't say anything. He would simply keep his mouth shut and see just where this would go, what Hannibal intended to do. So far, he hadn't really shown any desire for anything but just what he'd said he was here for.

Except for those few moments where Will had sworn Hannibal was going to kiss him, when the other man's breath had been so soft on his skin ....

He forced himself to wrench his mind away from those moments; it had been an aberration, apparently, as Hannibal hadn't made any reference to it, or seemed to want the act repeated, or even followed through on. It had been a moment of madness, for both of them.

Still, he couldn't help but feel disappointed. Their lips had been so close; he had almost been able to _taste_ the sweetness of Hannibal's kiss.

He could certainly imagine that sweetness, what it would be like to be gathered into those strong, muscular arms and held close against that lean body, his head tipped back, Hannibal's mouth plundering his until he either cried out for him, or passed out from pure sensation.

Will was fairly sure that it would be the latter, rather than the former.

He was silent as Hannibal put chicken, brie, and potato salad onto a plate, then cut and expertly buttered the bread before handing Will his plate.

The cork in the wine bottle popped off, and Hannibal poured the sparkling liquid into a goblet. Will couldn't help but think that Hannibal did everything with that touch of expertise; he wondered what this man would be like as a lover, if his expertise carried over to intimacy.

He was sure that it did. But though he wanted to find out, he still didn't quite have the nerve to bring up the subject. It felt too uncomfortable, as though he'd be taking this a step too far.

He watched as Hannibal filled his own plate, then began to eat, appreciating the food. Hannibal always had exquisite taste, he had to admit; to him, this wasn't a picnic, but a feast. To Hannibal, this was probably no more than a small gesture, one that he could shrug off.

Will wondered how long it would take Hannibal to bring up the subject of just why he was here; sooner or later, he had to give some indication of his intentions.

When Hannibal put his plate down and looked over at him, Will waited for the words to come.


	5. In His Own Skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Having Hannibal so close makes Will feel uncomfortable, even though it's what he's dreamed of for so long.

Will had never felt so uncomfortable before.

It was as though his body had become suddenly awkward, as though he didn't fit into it properly any more. Everything seemed to be out of focus, not fitting together.

He was uncomfortable in his own skin. It felt as if the world was moving in slow motion, and he couldn't quite catch up; every time he reached out, his goal was taken away from him, and he was moving in fits and starts, trying desperately to find the right groove.

No one had ever made him feel this way before. No one _could_ but Hannibal. No one else had this kind of power over him.

He didn't have a problem dealing with other people because he didn't feel anything for them that was even remotely comparable to what he felt for Hannibal. Nobody else got under his skin in the way that this man did. He didn't let them.

Everyone else in his life was on the outside, merely standing around the periphery. Hannibal was at the very center of his life, right in the middle.

He didn't _want_ anyone else in the way that he wanted Hannibal.

Could Hannibal sense how he felt? Did he realize how uncomfortable and awkward Will was feeling at this moment, as though his own skin didn't fit?

Hannibal finally set down his plate, then picked up his wineglass, swirling the liquid around in it before he spoke. "Will, you seem uncomfortable," he said softly, raising his gaze to look into the young man's eyes. "I would think that you've grown past feeling that way."

Will swallowed hard, opening his mouth to answer, but no words came out. He didn't know how to explain exactly what he was feeling.

How could he tell Hannibal how he felt, when he wasn't entirely sure of what it was himself? Was it desire, or was it simply that this man intrigued him more than anyone else ever had, and he wanted to find out just what made Hannibal tick?

He shifted uncomfortably, looking away from that penetrating gaze. "I just .... didn't expect this," he finally said, hearing his voice shake slightly when he spoke.

Dammit, he sounded so _uncertain_. Like a scared little kid.

He didn't want that. He wanted to sound clear and confident, but that was impossible, given the way that he felt at the moment.

"Will." Hannibal's voice was very soft, almost soothing. "You don't have to feel that way with me. I am not here to make you tense or nervous."

 _Then why are you here?_ Will thought, but didn't say the words aloud. He still hadn't been able to figure out just what Hannibal wanted; that the other man had some sort of agenda, he didn't doubt, but he had absolutely no clue as to what it could be.

"I came here today because I was hoping to further the personal relationship that I believe is beginning to grow between us," Hannibal said, staring into Will's eyes.

Will's breath caught in his throat; he could feel his eyes widening in disbelief, and he knew that Hannibal could easily see how disconcerted he was by those words.

He hadn't realized that Hannibal considered them to be developing a relationship. It was what he had hoped for, but he'd had no idea that Hannibal was also thinking along those lines. He hadn't thought that this man could ever personally care for him.

He'd thought they would never be anything other than friends, and that Hannibal would continue to be his psychiatrist, albeit unofficially.

Now, it seemed that their relationship was taking a major turn -- one that he had hoped for, but hadn't dared to hope could ever possibly happen.

What was he supposed to do when it seemed that his dreams were coming true?

Will felt as though he was caught up in some kind of snare, one that was closing rapidly around him, and pulling him closer to Hannibal. 

He didn't want to fight it. He _wanted_ to be closer to Hannibal, didn't he? This was what he'd been hoping for, wishing for, even _praying_ for. There was no reason to let it make him feel uncomfortable, no reason to fight against the inevitable.

He shouldn't feel as though his own skin was growing too tight, as though he wanted to leap out of his own body because it wasn't where he felt that he belonged.

He couldn't take his gaze from Hannibal; it was as though the other man mesmerized him, hypnotized him, held not only his gaze, but his thoughts. He couldn't have moved away even if he had wanted to; he was rooted to the spot, his limbs petrified.

And Hannibal was leaning closer to him, his lips parted, his dark eyes locked with Will's; that gaze was drawing him closer, pulling him in, fixating him ....

It was then that he realized they were moving closer to each other.

Slowly, inexorably, Hannibal had moved nearer to him, and was even now raising a hand to brush Will's hair out of his eyes, those fingers lingering on his cheek.

Will felt as though he was going to jump out of his own body; once again, he felt uncomfortable in his own skin, unable to reconcile how fast everything was suddenly moving. Only moments ago, it had all seemed to be in slow motion -- now, time was moving blindingly quickly.

He couldn't pull away, couldn't move back. It was as though Hannibal's touch paralyzed him; there was no way he could draw back from what was happening.

Hannibal was going to kiss him. The thought flashed across his consciousness, making a soft gasp come involuntarily from his lips; it seemed unbelievable, yet it was what he wanted, more than anything. It was what he'd dreamed of for so long.

Would it happen? Will held his breath as Hannibal leaned closer, their gazes locked, until his own eyelids slipped closed and he raised his face to the other man's.

He let his lips part, waiting for that kiss with bated breath.


	6. Utter Clarity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will has to make a decision as to where his relationship with Hannibal is going.

Hannibal was going to kiss him.

It was as inevitable as the tide rolling in to the beach, as night following day, as the sunrise coming up every morning. It was simply going to happen.

There was no way for him to stop the kiss, and he wasn't going to wish it away. Will knew that he could do nothing but surrender to the inevitable, and let events take their course. Sooner or later, this had been bound to happen. There was nothing he could do to stop it.

This was the moment of truth, when he finally found out what he would do if his relationship with Hannibal took a more personal turn.

He had wondered idly about this, wondered how he would feel, how he would react. Well, now he was going to find out --- and once it had happened, there would be no turning back. He and Hannibal would never be able to go back to where they had been before.

This would turn a corner in their relationship; it would signal the beginning of an entirely new chapter in their lives, forever changing the way they saw each other.

What happened now, in the next few minutes, would change everything.

The two of them leaned closer to each other; Will could feel his eyelids closing as he raised his face, his breath catching in his throat.

He waited for the tingle, the feel of Hannibal's lips on his -- and when it happened, it didn't feel strange or odd at all. It simply felt .... inevitable, as though the two of them had been heading towards this ever since their first meeting, their first handshake.

At first, Hannibal's lips on his were gentle, searching. The kiss was like the softest breeze, only a caress, the slightest, barest touch.

Then, as the two of them moved closer, the kiss became harder, more demanding. Hannibal's arms slid around his waist, pulling him closer to the warmth of the other man's body; those lips slanted across his, coaxing his mouth open, his head falling back.

Will gave himself up to that kiss, to the pleasure of being in Hannibal's arms, the feeling of being taken, of being surrounded. He surrendered to the sense of inevitability.

He hadn't expected a mere kiss to feel like this.

He hadn't realized that a kiss _could_ feel like this. He was shaken to the core; he could feel that kiss all the way from his head to his toes.

The feeling reverberated through his entire body, leaving him trembling like a plucked guitar string. For a few moments, Will felt as though he didn't know which way was up; if he had tried to stand on his own two feet, he would have fallen to the ground.

Everything felt as though it was turned upside down; there was no right or wrong, no light or dark, no up and down. There was only Hannibal, and those lips on his own.

Those lips were so soft, so gentle. He had never suspected that Hannibal could kiss like this -- or that he could so easily let himself fall into that kiss.

Will wanted the kiss to last forever, to stay here for the rest of his life, locked into Hannibal's embrace, that kiss sundering his senses, never-ending, moving in an infinite circle. But he knew that couldn't be; sooner or later, they would have to move forward.

That would be the moment of truth for both of them, when they faced each other and made decisions about where their relationship was heading.

Everything was moving so quickly, changing in the blink of an eye.

He wasn't ready for this. He wasn't ready to face the future, to make decisions about just where they were going. He needed this to _slow down_.

But as Hannibal slowly pulled away from him and those dark eyes gazed into his own, Will knew that he wasn't going to be given time to acclimatize himself to how quickly this was moving. He had to make those decisions on his feet, rather than take his time.

He wasn't going to be given the luxury of time. He had to decide what was right for him and what he wanted in the snap of a finger, at a moment's notice.

Panic rose in him at the thought; he wasn't prepared to make personal decisions that could affect the rest of his life, not now. He needed time to back away, to survey the situation, to think about what he was doing and what he wanted from the future.

This wasn't just something that affected the moment. This would affect the outcome of his life, and how he would handle his future -- with or without Hannibal in it.

He couldn't make those decisions without seriously considering the possibilities.

But he _had_ to, didn't he? If he waited, if he backed away, he might lose the one chance he could have with the man he wanted to be with.

He had to force himself to take the proverbial bull by the horns and make those decisions on the fly, in the blink of an eye, and trust that he had done the right thing for himself. He had to face that moment of truth and then move forward with confidence.

Pulling back slightly, Will gazed into Hannibal's eyes, almost mesmerized by those dark depths. What he saw there made his heart flutter, his breath stop for a moment.

He saw _desire_ written in those eyes. Hannibal hadn't come here today out of mere friendship -- no, this man _wanted_ him, and all of this had been a seduction, a buildup to what Hannibal wanted to happen between them.

Will wanted it, too. In a moment of pure and utter clarity, he saw what he had been missing from his life, and he wanted nothing more than to reach out and grab it.

He wanted Hannibal. More than he had ever wanted anything.

There was no sense in holding back any more, not now that he knew what he wanted. The moment of truth was upon them, and he was embracing it.

This time, when Hannibal moved towards him and their lips met again, Will met that kiss with a desire of his own, a desire that was growing stronger by the moment.


	7. Delicate Balance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hannibal knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that Will wants him, but he's still determined to take things one slow step at a time.

Will wanted him. That was more than obvious.

Hannibal couldn't hold back a feeling of satisfaction; if his lips hadn't been busy with kissing Will, he would have smiled. He could feel the desire held within the young man's body; he knew that Will was at the edge.

One small push, and he would melt into Hannibal's arms. He was already there, actually, but he was still trying to decide if it was where he wanted to be.

He could almost read Will's thoughts, almost sense what he would say if he spoke. Will could go either way at this point; he could either give in to his desires, or turn and run. It was a delicate juncture, a precarious crossroads.

He had to handle Will carefully from here on out; the slightest wrong move could send his skittish little rabbit running in the opposite direction.

That was the last thing he wanted. He intended to break down the barriers that were surrounding Will, to introduce him to the pleasures he could derive from his own body. He was sure that Will was innocent of those pleasures.

Oh, he wasn't completely innocent. But just enough.

Hannibal was absolutely positive that Will had never been with anyone else, that he was going to be the first. He also intended to be the _only_ person Will was ever with. He didn't mean to share this man with anyone.

He had already gained a measure of Will's trust. Now was the time to solidify that trust, to bring Will closer to him than he had ever been.

Even if nothing more than exploration happened today, it would be enough. It would still serve to bring Will to him in the ways that he wanted, to start the binding that would be emotional as well as physical.

At the moment, things were progressing exactly as planned.

There was only one thing that might go wrong with his plans, Hannibal realized as he bent his head to capture Will's lips again. His own desire was running so hot and high and the might not be able to control himself.

He prided himself on maintaining control in all situations, but Will was so delectable, so desirable, that he doubted his own ability to hold back.

If that happened, then his plans would be thrown to the winds, and he would be moving forward on instinct alone. Ah well, he told himself, he could do that. If he could no longer hold back, then he would compensate.

His hands moved down Will's sides, aching to remove the plaid shirt that the young man wore and feel bare skin beneath his fingertips.

As though of their own volition, his hands moved back up to finger the top button of Will's shirt. Now that the thought had occurred to him to undress Will, he knew that he wouldn't be able to stop himself from doing so.

Why shouldn't he? It wasn't as though they would be observed.

There was no one else in this wooded area by the lake other than the two of them. And the dogs, but the canines wouldn't bother them.

He wanted Will, wanted him right here, on this riverbank, on this blanket that was spread out around them. He wanted to take Will for the first time, with the glories of nature all around them, out here in the uninhibited wild.

He wanted to see Will reach the peak of pleasure with the sun shining on his face, to see every expression that flitted across those handsome features.

Logic told him to slow down, but he wasn't listening to that part of his brain any more. He only wanted to see Will unclothed, in his natural state.

It only took him a few moments to remove the shirt that clung to Will's slender body, then start working at the button and zipper of his jeans.

Hannibal blinked when he realized that Will's hands were at the top button of his own shirt, undoing it before moving to the next. He hadn't realized that Will might be this bold, that he might also be shedding his clothes.

Ah, that was all well and good, he told himself with a smile as he gazed down at Will. It was good for Will to be this desirous, this uninhibited.

He might be shy, but he was already opening up.

It was beautiful to see, Hannibal told himself. The desire that was glowing in Will's blue eyes, the burning passion that was barely hidden beneath the surface -- he had always known they were there, just waiting to be drawn out.

And _he_ would be the man to do so, he thought as he unzipped Will's jeans and began to gently pull them over the young man's narrow hips.

Will raised his hips without being asked to; Hannibal took that as a good sigh. Will was following his instincts, rather than letting his mind hold him back. He was giving himself over to his desires, which was exactly what Hannibal wanted.

That desire was shining in Will's eyes, making him even more beautiful than ever. He was all that Hannibal wanted, all that he needed.

He had never seen a sight so beautiful as Will Graham lying here naked and exposed in front of him, ready and willing to let Hannibal have his way. Nothing had ever moved him to passion as much as this moment did.

But he had to move slowly, he cautioned himself.

One wrong move, and Will could very well change his mind and back away. He wanted to take this forward one step at a time, and even though he wanted Will desperately, he wasn't going to do anything to upset their delicate balance.

He would let Will make the first move, let him ask for what he wanted. If he did that, then he would assured of Will's compliance.

There would be no rushing, no speeding through something that should be taken slowly and savoured. He would make sure that they both enjoyed every moment of this, and if it went further than he planned, then so be it.

Lowering his head, he kissed Will again, murmuring into his ear.

"Undress me, Will," he whispered, the words silky soft, not so much a command as a request. If Will didn't want to do so, then he would take care of removing the rest of his clothing himself. It would be simple enough.

But Will's hands were already at his belt buckle, undoing it, then unzipping his trousers and pushing them down eagerly.

Within seconds, they were lying naked next to each other, and Hannibal could feel an even higher tide of passion racing through his veins. He didn't know exactly how this would transpire, but he knew that he wanted Will.

If he took Will here and now, it would take their relationship in an entirely new direction -- one that he greatly looked forward to.

He captured Will's lips with his own again, letting his hands move down the young man's sides to rest on his hips. Their entire future rested on what would happen here and now, and he wanted to be sure that he took the right path.

It was time to take the next step, and see where it would lead them.


	8. Cry in the Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is all that Will has dreamed of for so long -- the warmth, the closeness, the joining of his body and soul with Hannibal's.

This was it. Now or never. If he was going to turn back from this, he had to do it _now_.

But he didn't want to turn back. He wanted to forge ahead, to give himself to Hannibal completely. Will had never wanted anything as badly as he wanted to be with this man.

Yes, a part of him was still afraid, screaming at him to run while he could -- but he wasn't going to listen to that little voice in the back of his mind that kept telling him this was the wrong thing to do, that he would regret it. He coudln't imagine having any regrets. This was what what he wanted, what he _needed_.

He'd wanted Hannibal for a long time, and he was finally going to have what he had yearned for. It had taken long enough to get here, and now, he intended to enjoy every moment of what he was going to have.

His breath caught in his throat as Hannibal leaned over him, those dark eyes searching his face. When their gazes locked, he could read the same need in Hannibal's intense gaze that he felt in his own heart. This man wanted him, even needed him -- and he wasn't going to hold himself back any longer.

Will raised his arms to loop them around Hannibal's neck and draw the other man down for a kiss, his lips parting and his eyes closing even before their mouths met.

When he felt Hannibal's lips on his, he sighed softly, the sound quickly turning into a moan.

He wanted this. Oh, how he wanted this. His body was on fire; when Hannibal moved closer, his erect cock pressing against Will's thigh, Will couldn't help but raise his hips in answer.

He felt Hannibal shift above him, and knew that the other man was reaching for lube; he was sure that Hannibal had either brought some along with him, or that he was going to use that bottle of olive oil that was in the picnic basket. Trust Hannibal to be prepared for any contingency.

Will almost wanted to laugh at the thought of being relieved of his virginity out here in the woods, by the lake, using olive oil for lube. But it wasn't a laughing matter. It was actually happening.

He gasped when he felt Hannibal's fingers slide between his thighs, gently parting his legs. Opening his eyes, he looked up into Hannibal's face, feeling his muscles tighten involuntarily. No, he couldn't tense up; that would only make things more difficult. With an effort, Will forced himself to breathe deeply, trying to relax.

"There is nothing to be afraid of, Will," Hannibal said softly, still gazing into Will's eyes. "The pain is only momentary. I promise you that I will try to make it as brief as possible."

Will nodded, holding his breath, anticipating the pain and hoping it would be over with quickly.

But there was no pain; there was only the pleasure of Hannibal's fingers stroking his thighs, those cool fingertips sending trails of fire down his legs, making him writhe with anticipation.

How long would it be before those fingers were inside him, preparing him to be entered? Just the thought of their bodies being joined so intimately took Will's breath away; he had dreamed about this, wanted it with all of his being, but he had never thought that it would actually take place.

Now, all of his dreams were coming true -- and he was finding it a bit frightening, as well as gratifying. The anticipation, the desire, and the fear were swirled together into an exotic, heady mixture.

He couldn't deny that he was nervous, but he wasn't going to turn back now. This was what he wanted, and it was obvious that the man leaning over him wanted it, too. He wouldn't be hard against Will's thigh if he didn't; that, more than anything, that erection told Will that Hannibal was in need of him.

Without thinking, he reached out a hand to wrap his fingers around Hannibal's cock, eliciting a moan of pleasure from the other man. "Yes, Will, touch me," Hannibal whispered, his voice guttural.

Will nodded, smiling, only too pleased to do as Hannibal asked.

Moments later, his blue eyes opened wide and a gasp came from his throat when a finger entered him, pushing in slowly. He took a deep breath, willing himself not to be tense, to make his muscles relax.

"That's it, Will," Hannibal murmured softly. "Let yourself relax and enjoy this. I promise this part will not hurt, my lovely. I merely want to prepare you, to ease your body into this."

Will nodded, swallowing hard and leaning back on the blanket, even as his hand moved up and down Hannibal's rigid shaft. So far, this was far more pleasurable than he'd thought it would be; Hannibal was obviously going out of his way to take his time, and to make this good for both of them.

Another finger joined the one already inside him, and he could feel them scissoring gently, opening him, preparing him. Still, there was no pain, only a slight feeling of fullness.

Will lifted his hips, a soft moan coming from his lips. He was ready for more, ready to have Hannibal inside him. This was taking so long, and he wanted the consummation, the completion, _now_.

"Patience, my sweet," he heard Hannibal murmur. "Only a few more moments now, Will, and we two will be one. You will be mine in every way, just as I have wanted it to be for so long. Ever since I first saw you," that soft voice continued, "I have wanted you to be mine. And I think you've wanted that, as well."

Will nodded, unable to meet Hannibal's gaze. It was true. He _had_ wanted to belong to this man from the moment they'd met; there had been something that had reached out to him, wrapped around him, from the first.

And now, it was happening. Now, he was going to belong to Hannibal. He was going to walk right into this man's arms, into his life, into his bed, and not look back at what he had been before.

This was a whole new life, and he was going to embrace it fully.

Hannibal's fingers slid out of him, and Will's breath hitched in his throat again; he knew what would happen next, and even though he welcomed it, he was still just a little hesitant.

He could feel the thick, blunt head of Hannibal's cock pressing against him -- and in another moment, pushing inside him, filling him in a way that he could never have imagined. There was a quicksilver flash of pain as Hannibal's hips thrust forward, then the sensation of being completely filled, of being .... _joined_.

He'd never felt like this before; the feeling of finally _belonging_ , of having leapt an abyss that he'd kept himself away from for his entire life, seemed to reach for him and envelop him completely, from head to toe.

Hannibal was thrusting inside him, then pulling back only to thrust again. Will's first instinct was to tighten his arms around Hannibal's shoulders, to wrap his long legs around the other man's waist; all he wanted to do was to become one with Hannibal, to make this pleasure last, to make it intensify before they both reached the peak.

The sun was beating down on them, shining its rays into the clearing by the lake, the warmth making beads of perspiration run down Hannibal's forehead and bringing out a film of moisture over Will's skin.

It was perfect. It was more than he could ever have dreamed of, the feeling so intense that he almost wanted to cry.

His body was wound tight, on fire, the blood flowing through his veins at an accelerated rate. All he could think of now was reaching that peak of pleasure, throwing himself from that precipice.

He knew that when he did, he would plummet from the heavens back down to earth again, but that he would fall safely into Hannibal's embrace. He didn't doubt that this man would be there to catch him; he was putting his love and trust in Hannibal, believing that he would be loved, cherished, and taken care of.

His legs tightened around Hannibal's waist as his lover thrust into him again and again; there was no pain, nothing but pure pleasure, a pleasure that was quickly overtaking his senses.

When his orgasm broke over him, Will was astounded to realize that there were tears flowing down his face; not tears of pain or regret, but tears of joy. The tears marked hos grateful he was that he had finally been able to take the hand of a lover and leap that abyss that had always frightened him too much to even get near.

The sun was still beating down on their bodies when he opened his eyes; he had to squint against it, and blink back more tears that the brightness brought to his eyes, tears that threatened to spill over.

He didn't want to lie here and cry in the sun, but he couldn't help himself.

The last thing he wanted was for Hannibal to think that he was sad about this, that he regretted even one single second of what they had just done. He had no regrets about this; he never would.

But he couldn't stop the tears. Will didn't know what he was crying for; certainly not the virginity he'd just given up, which had been an albatross around his neck for far too long. He was glad that Hannibal had been the one he'd given it to; he couldn't imagine being with anyone else, or wanting to give that part of himself away to any other person.

"What's wrong, Will?" Hannibal's soft voice was full of concern. "Did I hurt you? Are you feeling any pain?" Those soft fingertips were on his face, gently brushing his tears away.

Will hastened to assure his lover that there was nothing wrong. "No, no, I'm not in any pain at all," he whispered, dashing his hand across his eyes impatiently. "I don't know why I'm crying. I guess it's just the emotional intensity of all this, and the .... the fact that I've just had sex for the first time in my life. It's a lot to take in."

Hannibal nodded, his gaze loving as he looked down at Will. He was propped up on one elbow, silhouetted against the sun, and looking at him brought tears to Will's eyes again.

He was so beautiful, his lover. A golden god, a man he could lean on and count on.

Will could feel the tears forming again, and he had to fight to keep them from falling. He didn't know why he wanted to just lie here and cry in the sun, but he wasn't going to give in to the urge.

He'd had the most wonderful experience of his life, and this was only the first time he and Hannibal would make love. They had a lot of years ahead of them, a lot of time to make up for. Something told him that they would be spending a lot of their time hidden away in their respective bedrooms, and that he was going to learn a lot about pleasing his lover.

Their relationship wasn't going to be easy. He knew that. It would be complicated, and they would have to make a lot of compromises and work their way around some obstacles in their path.

But since when did anything worth having ever come without a price?

He was willing to do whatever it took to keep Hannibal by his side. This was where he wanted to be, and this was the only person he ever wanted to be with. He was ready to make whatever concessions might be required of him.

As he gazed up into those dark eyes, Hannibal's head moved to the side slightly, and Will was blinded by the sun again. He closed his eyes, feeling an icy cold shiver of sudden apprehension run down his spine and lodge into his soul.


	9. A Symbol of Desire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hannibal reflects on how becoming Will's lover will change his life.

Hannibal propped himself up on one elbow, looking down at the young man sprawled beside him.

This was what he had planned when he had come here, the taking of Will's virginity, the first action that would solder the young man firmly to him. But now he wondered if he had been too eager.

Would it have been better to wait a while? Was this too soon? He couldn't help feeling that even though Will had wanted him enough to give his body, there was still a wall between them, still a portion a Will that would hold back from him, that didn't trust him enough for full disclosure.

Well, he would just have to work on that, he told himself. If Will trusted him enough for them to make love, then he trusted enough for other things, as well.

It would simply take more work on Hannibal's part, that was all.

This had been exactly what he had wanted, and things had gone just as he'd visualized they would. Will had given himself over, joyfully and completely.

Well, perhaps not completely. He could still sense that the young man was holding something of himself back, but that could simply be Will's way of doing things.

It would more than likely take a while to gain Will's complete trust, even though they were now closer than they had ever been. They would grow even closer, and this wall that he could sense separating them would come tumbling down. It would be his most important project, making that wall crumble to dust.

He wanted no barriers between himself and Will. They had removed their physical barriers today, but there were still others, larger ones, that needed to be obliterated.

Once all of those walls were gone, then Will would be his. He could hardly wait for the day when he would look into those blue eyes and see nothing but love and compliance there.

Will was already his. He just had to make sure that Will _stayed_ his.

This little interlude had been absolutely wonderful, Hannibal thought to himself, allowing a smile to spread over his features. Better than he'd thought it would be.

He had imagined having to coax Will into making love, thinking that the young man would balk at the idea. But Will had thrown himself into it with a marvelous abandon.

Will was much more sensual than he could ever have imagined he would be. It had been a pleasant surprise, even if he _could_ sense that there was a part of Will that had been holding back. That really wasn't unusual, though. After all, it had been his first time.

In a way, Hannibal felt somewhat humbled to realize that Will had wanted to be with him enough to allow him to be his first lover. It was symbol of the young man's trust -- and his desire.

Will had wanted him just as much as he wanted Will. Theirs was a mutual desire, one that Hannibal was sure would only continue to grow and flourish as time went on.

Absently, he trailed a fingertip down Will's bare chest, circling one rosy nipple until it was erect. "Was that as good for you as it was for me?" he murmured, not really needing to ask the question, but wanting to hear Will say the words, to stroke his ego a bit. "I thought it was .... incredible."

Will nodded, his blue eyes focused on Hannibal's face. "It was the most amazing experience of my life, Hannibal. And I want to do it again. Soon." He looked around, smiling ruefully. "But in a bed next time."

Hannibal threw his head back and laughed, a full-throated, genuine laugh. "Oh, I think we can manage that, Will. But I believe that it should be in _my_ bed, in my home."

Will nodded in agreement, his smile mirroring Hannibal's. "I won't argue with that."

Hannibal might not have seen Will's bed, but he was sure that it wouldn't be as comfortable as the king-sized one he himself slept in. And that was where he wanted Will to sleep.

In time, his boy would be living in his home, even though they might keep this house in Wolf Trap. It would be nice to have a place to get away from Baltimore when he felt the need.

But before too much longer, he planned to have Will spending most of his time away from this place. It might not be easy to talk him into that, but Hannibal would find a way. He permitted himself another smile, looking down at the young man and brushing a dark curl away from Will's face.

"We have some wonderful experiences ahead of us, Will. And I am looking forward to every one of them," Hannibal said, his voice very soft. "I hope you are, as well."

"Of course I am," Will told him, his voice slightly shaky. He squinted up at the sky, and Hannibal realized that though the sun was high in the sky now, it wouldn't be long before it began to sink into the horizon.

They really should be getting dressed and going back to the house.

But somehow, he felt reluctant to break the spell that they were under. A part of him wished that they could stay here, their bodies bare, almost a part of the natural world that surrounded them.

However, that couldn't happen. He had too much to do to ready his home for the advent of Will spending more time there; things had to be concealed, and he wanted to make sure that he had everything taken care of before his young lover spent a single night under his roof.

This relationship would definitely complicate his life, but it was what he wanted. He had no doubt of that, and he wasn't going to turn back now that they had come this far.

Hannibal sat up, reaching for his trousers before standing up and looking down at Will with a smile.

"We should get dressed and go back to your house, Will," he said softly, wishing that he didn't have to say those words. How he wanted to stay here, and make love to Will again.

Will nodded reluctantly, squinting up at him but making no move to get dressed. Hannibal supposed that the young man was still a bit dazed by all that had happened, Will would probably need a while to think about the shift in what they meant to each other, to get used to their new and more intimate relationship.

He would be given that time, Hannibal told himself. But he would also be coaxed along the path that Hannibal wanted him to follow, without realizing that he was being pushed in a certain direction.

Hannibal knew all about how to guide an unsuspecting person to where they needed to be.


	10. Stunned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will has a hard time assimilating the change in his relationship with Hannibal.

He felt stunned, as though he'd been hit by a speeding train.

Will silently put his clothes back on, avoiding Hannibal's gaze. His skin felt tender and sensitive, as though he'd been out in the sun too long with no sunscreen.

Well, he had, hadn't he? He didn't think he'd have sunburn, but there were other slight aches that he was sure would be with him for a while, aches that he wasn't used to feeling.

He had expected his first time to hurt -- and in a way, it had. But while it had been happening, there had been no pain, only the wondrous discovery of what it could feel like to meld with another person, to let those sensations take over his body. It was only _now_ that he was feeling pain.

He should have expected that, shouldn't he? Will asked himself. He had known that giving up his virginity was going to come at some physical cost.

But it wasn't just physical pain he was feeling, even though that was the most pressing of the aches he felt. There was more to it than just the twinges of his body.

He'd given up a part of himself that he could never get back again.

He still wasn't sure that he'd done the right thing -- or that he'd even done what he _wanted_ to do. He was so mixed up, so unsure of what he desired.

Yes, he had wanted Hannibal. Especially in those moments when the other man was touching and kissing him, in that time that their bodies had been locked together. Then, he had wanted what was happening more than he had ever wanted anything, and he'd had no doubts whatsoever.

It was only now, in the cold, clear light of full consciousness, that he felt he might have made a mistake by giving his body to someone that he didn't entirely trust.

Will sighed softly as he buttoned up his shirt, trying to sort through his emotions.

What did he expect, really? In truth, he didn't trust _anyone_ completely. He trusted Hannibal more than most, but there was still a barrier between them, and probably always would be.

He couldn't expect that barrier to suddenly come crumbling down simply because of the physical act that had taken place between the two of them. Yes, there was a burgeoning physical relationship here, and possibly an emotional one as well, but he still wasn't ready to give his complete trust.

That was something he expected to be earned, not merely given. And even with this new physicality between them, it would be a while before Hannibal earned that trust.

For the moment, he still felt stunned, and not quite as though he was fully in this world. His head felt fuzzy, his senses dulled. He needed a cold shower.

Well, no, maybe not that. But he needed _something_ to bring him back fully into the world, to dissipate this feeling of being disoriented. It wasn't a feeling that he particularly liked; he hated knowing that his senses were scattered, that he wasn't thinking clearly or functioning at full capacity.

Hannibal was silent as the two of them dressed; he packed up the picnic basket while Will sat there, staring out at the lake, watching ripples form in the water and then vanish.

He wanted to ask Hannibal what he was thinking, but he didn't dare.

Did Hannibal feel as stunned by what had happened as he did? No, he couldn't possibly feel that way, Will told himself. After all, he had planned for this to happen.

Will didn't doubt for a second that Hannibal had intended for this .... seduction to take place. He'd come here with the full intention of them making love, and that was why he'd brought all of the implements of seduction with him. He'd gotten what he wanted; now, Will couldn't help but wonder _why_ he'd done this.

Had Hannibal simply wanted him so badly that he couldn't hold back any longer? No, he didn't think that was the reason. There was more behind his seduction and deflowering than mere desire.

But he was certain that Hannibal wouldn't reveal his reasons.

The two of them walked back to the house together, both of them silent, lost in their own thoughts. Will wasn't sure what to say; he didn't have words for how he was feeling.

He wanted to ask Hannibal to leave, so he could take a shower and spend some time alone sorting out his thoughts, but tht would be rude. He had no idea where they went from here.

However, Hannibal solved the problem for him, turning to him as they entered the front yard. "Will, I believe that both of us have a great deal to think about." His voice was soft, his dark gaze searching Will's face. "I'll leave you now, but I hope to see you soon. Perhaps tomorrow?"

Will nodded and managed to smile; he was surprised when Hannibal raised a hand to caress his cheek, then leaned forward to brush a kiss across his parted lips.

He watched as the man who had so suddenly become his lover walked to his car, got in and started the ignition, then drove away, raising his hand slightly to wave goodbye.

When he turned and walked into the house, he felt more stunned than ever.

What did that last kiss mean? Hannibal hadn't mentioned anything about their future, but that kiss made Will feel as if there _was_ hope for the two of them.

Was that what Hannibal wanted? More importantly, was it what _he_ wanted? He wasn't sure at this point. His mind was still trying to wrap itself around what had happened, and his body was feeling the aftereffects of their lovemaking more than ever. He was in no shape to think about the future now.

Going into the house, he walked up the steps slowly, heading into the bathroom and undressing, then turning on the shower and stepping inside to raise his face to the warm spray.

He had a lot to think about, and some important decisions to make before he saw Hannibal again.


	11. Ultimately Disappointed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will wonders whether he and Hannibal will become disappointed with each other if their physical relationship continues.

Will raised his face to the shower spray, closing his eyes and trying to make himself relax.

He still couldn't quite believe what had happened between himself and Hannibal today. It was starting to feel like a dream, something that had only existed in his imagination.

But it _had_ actually happened; the soreness of his body was a testament to that. He didn't _hurt_ , exactly, but there were little aches that hadn't been there before.

And there was the memory of Hannibal leaning over him, thrusting into him, and the sounds of their mutual pleasure that still seemed to ring in his ears. There was the memory of looking up and seeing Hannibal with the sun behind him, haloing him and making Will's vision blur.

Of all the people he'd ever thought that he would give himself to, Hannibal had been the last one. Well, maybe not the _last_. But it hadn't seemed likely.

True, he'd wanted Hannibal. He couldn't deny that. But it hadn't seemed possible that his desire could be returned. He had never thought that something like this could happen.

Yet it had, and now he had to think about the consequences.

Were they a couple now? It felt as though they were, but he wasn't sure. He didn't know what Hannibal thought, what he felt, even if he wanted to continue what they had started.

Well, maybe he _did_ have some inkling. That last kiss Hannibal had brushed across his lips before he'd left had to mean _something_ , didn't it? He could still feel that kiss tingling on his lips; if he let his mind drift back, he could even still feel Hannibal's hands on his body.

Hannibal wanted him. He couldn't doubt that. But would Hannibal keep wanting him in the future, or had this just been a one-time thing for him that wouldn't happen again?

Of course it would happen again, Will admonished himself. He was being stupid. Hannibal wouldn't have left that burning kiss on his lips if he had just meant to walk away.

Still, it was hard to fathom something like this happening again. Try as he might, he couldn't imagine himself at the other man's home, in his bed -- or Hannibal here, in Will's bed. It just didn't feel right. What had happened out there at the lake might have only been intended to happen once.

In a way, it still seemed like a figment of his imagination. But it _had_ happened, and he had to think about where they were going to go from here.

Hannibal was probably thinking about the very same thing as he drove home.

What if his lover had been disappointed? Will couldn't help thinking that it was possible; after all, he hadn't really known what he was doing. He couldn't have been a very satisfactory lover.

He could learn, of course. He picked things up quickly, and he didn't doubt that Hannibal could be a very good teacher, if he so chose. But he backed away from that idea; he didn't want to seem like some stupid kid who had to be taught, who didn't know what he was doing.

Hannibal would probably be ultimately disappointed in him, and in the ensuing relationship, if this were to continue. And maybe he himself would be disappointed, too.

Though it was hard to imagine that being so, not after what had happened today.

When he could still feel Hannibal's caresses on his skin, even still feel the other man inside him, there was no way that he could say he'd been disappointed.

His first time had been everything he'd ever hoped it would be -- but he couldn't help wondering if the future would be as satisfying as today had been.

He didn't want to end up being ultimately disappointed if they had a relationship, Will told himself. Surely every time wasn't going to be as good as today had been; he would get used to all of these new feelings, and they would at some point feel commonplace to him.

But for the moment, he wanted to explore those feelings further. He wanted to immerse himself in them, and discover all that there was to know, to see how far they could take him.

So he was going to continue with this, he told himself as he turned off the water and pulled back the shower curtain. He'd known that all along, really. He'd just had to convince himself of it.

He only hoped that he was making the best decision for himself, and that he would have no regrets.


	12. Bystander

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will isn't sure exactly how he feels about his first time, but he knows that he wants it to happen again.

He'd expected to feel dirty. But he didn't, not really. Only a little .... disconcerted.

That was unusual, Will reflected. He usually felt guilty about anything sexual.

Maybe it was just because Hannibal was his first sexual partner, and the glow of it still hadn't worn off. But he wasn't feeling the usual guilt and shame over sexual thoughts.

He hadn't been able to get what they had done out of his mind. He had gone over and over it, studying every moment and wondering if he should have done something to try to make it better. Because, even though it had felt good in some ways, in others, it hadn't been a great experience.

Will was sure that it was nothing Hannibal had done. After all, the older man was an experienced lover. He had known exactly what he was doing.

Will had been the inexperienced one, stumbling along in the dark.

He had simply lay there and let Hannibal do what he wanted; he hadn't known what else to do. Maybe he should have moved around, or even asked questions. That might have made some things about the experience better for him; at least he would have .... well, _participated_.

He somehow felt that he had simply been a bystander in his own deflowering, a mute witness to something that he still wasn't entirely sure he had wanted to happen.

A part of him felt that what he and Hannibal had done was wrong; Hannibal was, after all, his psychiatrist, and weren't there some pretty strict rules about becoming involved with a patient? 

He was sure that Hannibal could get into serious trouble for this, but the other man didn't seem to share any of Will's reservations. He seemed to feel that this had been inevitable, and Will was starting to reluctantly agree with him. It felt as though they had always been headed for this.

But that still didn't stop him from feeling somewhat unsettled when he thought about it.

Would a second time make him feel less dirty, take away that sensation of having done something wrong that was going to affect the rest of their lives?

Will's lips quirked in a slight smile as he realized that he would more than likely discover the answer to that very soon. He didn't doubt that he and Hannibal would end up having sex again -- only this time, he hoped that it was in a far more comfortable place, preferably a bed.

Now that he had dived into the world of sensuality, he wasn't quite ready to back away from it, even though he wasn't sure if Hannibal was the right guide for him to have.

Though at this point, Hannibal had pulled him into a whole new world.

And to his dismay, it was a world that he knew he could enjoy far too much for his own good.


	13. Take A Step Back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will can't go another day without knowing just how Hannibal feels about him.

This had all happened so quickly.

It was hard for him to process it all, Will told himself, leaning his head back against the couch and staring up at the ceiling of his living room.

He still felt dazed, and more than a little confused. He needed to take a deep breath, to put all of this into perspective, and think long and hard about his future.

Was this what he wanted? Did he _want_ a relationship with Hannibal? Now that he'd crossed the first line, leaped over that first hurdle of actually becoming sexually involved with the other man, did he want to continue with this, or woudl it be better if he walked away from it now?

The problem was that he wasn't sure just what he wanted. The encounter with Hannibal had been exciting, forbidden, something that he would have never dreamed of doing.

But yet, he'd done it. Hannibal had made that first move, and he had followed along -- or, rather, let himself be swept along by the tide of his own desire.

Was that all it had been? Only desire, and nothing more?

Will wasn't sure just what his feelings for Hannibal were. He cared for the other man, certainly. He wouldn't have been able to do what they'd done if he didn't.

But did that mean he was in love? He had no earthly idea. He wasn't sure that he'd ever been in love before, or even that he knew what love was. Whatever he felt for Hannibal, he didn't think that he could file those feelings under the sacred name of love.

What he felt for Hannibal was more like .... well, like _lust_. That was what had taken him over during that time that they had been so .... intimate.

Was that all Hannibal felt for him? Lust, and nothing more?

He had no way of knowing that, either. He couldn't simply come out and _ask_ Hannibal how he felt; WIll knew that he wouldn't get an honest answer.

Hannibal never revealed his feelings; he always played everything close to the vest. But still, if he cared about someone, wouldn't he want them to know it? If he was asked point-blank about his feelings, wouldn't he share them with the person he supposedly cared about?

Or would he keep those feelings to himself, not wanting to admit them because they might make him vulnerable in some way? Will didn't know which way the other man would go.

Trying to figure out how Hannibal felt about him would drive him insane, Will thought, his lips twisting into a wry smile. He would never be able to fathom the depths of Hannibal's mind.

There was no use even trying to guess how Hannibal might feel, because whatever he thought was almost certain to be the opposite of the truth. Hannibal was good at dissembling, at hiding his true emotions and intentions. Will didn't think that he would ever truly _know_ the other man.

But now that they were lovers, shouldn't he at least make the effort? After all, Hannibal knew him so well -- possibly even better than he knew himself, at this point.

He could keep going in circles about this all night, and never come up with an answer.

Will sighed softly, closing his eyes. He needed to take a figurative and literal breath and step back from all of this, go over it in his mind objectively.

No, that was impossible. He couldn't be objective about something that he was so closely involved in. There was no way that he could stand back and make observations. He was far too close to the situation, as one of the people involved, and his objectivity didn't even exist here.

The only thing he could do, really, was take a deep breath and gather his courage, take the bull by the horns, and _ask_ Hannibal how he felt.

It would be one of the scariest things he'd ever made himself do.

But that was part of what life -- and relationships -- were about, wasn't it? Will asked himself. It was about taking risks, putting yourself out there on the proverbial limb.

He'd done that once already when he and Hannibal had made love. Now, if he wanted that to happen again -- and to progress further -- he had to go out on a limb again.

Yes, it was frightening. Yes, he was terrified of what Hannibal might say, and of how it might make him feel. But it had to be done, or he would be marking time here forever, trapped within his own uncertainty, unable to move forward. He had to know where Hannibal stood.

Once he knew what Hannibal's feelings were, maybe it would be easier to sort his own out. At the moment, he wasn't sure _what_ he felt -- love, lust, or a combination of both.

Whatever it was, he needed to take a breath, stand back and look at those feelings. And he couldn't do that without having some sort of reassurance that they were, or could be, returned.

Will sat up, taking first one deep breath, then another.

He'd talk to Hannibal tonight. He would drive into Baltimore, knock on his door, and tell him that they needed to talk -- and then he would proceed to ask what Hannibal's intentions were.

Getting up, Will picked up his keys, running a hand through his hair as he headed for the door. The sooner he did this, the better -- before he completely lost his nerve.


	14. Show Don't Tell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hannibal would much rather _show_ Will how he feels than merely telling him.

Will seemed unusually quiet now that he was here.

Hannibal had been surprised to see the young man on his front porch when he had opened the door; he hadn't thought that he would see Will until their session tomorrow.

Of course, he _had_ planned to take Will upstairs and make love to him after that session, but that plan had only been in his mind. He hadn't said anything to Will about it.

He had assumed that his young lover wouldn't mind staying overnight at his house; after all, his dogs would be safe enough in that house of Will's in Wolf Trap, and as tomorrow was Saturday, he could go home at any time he wanted to make sure that the animals were fed and let outside.

Will had seemed eager to come into the house; Hannibal was sure that he had something to say, something that he badly needed to get off his chest.

But now that Will was here, he had fallen silent, sitting across from Hannibal and looking down at his hands clasped in his lap, as though he was reluctant to speak.

Hannibal sat back calmly, waiting for Will to say something.

When the younger man did finally speak, his words were halting, hesitant. "Hannibal .... I .... need to know something. About you and me. The two of us."

Hannibal nodded, relaxed and composed. Ah, he should have known this was coming. "Yes, Will? What do you want to ask? I'll answer any questions that you may have."

He was almost amused by the look in Will's eyes; the young man almost looked tortured, as though he expected a blow at any moment. Not a physical blow, but an emotional one. As though he expected to have his heart shattered and any hopes that he might have for the future kicked to the ground.

"How do you feel about me?" The words seemed to burst from Will, an explosion of sound into the quiet air of the room. "Do you want to keep this relationship going?"

Well. He hadn't expected Will to come right out with it, but Hannibal was glad that he had. There would be subterfuge, no games, no beating around the bush, so to speak.

"Well." Hannibal cleared his throat, unsure of what to say, choosing his words carefully when he spoke. "I care for you, Will. A great deal. I don't know if I can call what I feel 'love,' not yet. But I _do_ believe our relationship has room to grow and develop, and become closer."

He could almost hear Will letting out a breath, as though he'd been holding it in anticipation. Was the younger man in love with him? The idea took him off guard.

He should have realized that Will would fall in love with him. After all, he was Will's first lover. He should have known that as well as giving his body, Will would give his heart.

Surprisingly, he found that the thought didn't bother him at all.

Though he doubted that he had given his own heart fully to Will as of yet, he _did_ feel an affection for this young man. He wanted their relationship to continue.

Hannibal had no idea what might happen for them in the future. He didn't know just how their relationship would grow, where it would lead them. But he was more than willing to find out.

Actually, it was hard for him to imagine a life without Will in it at this point. He had stepped outside of his comfort zone when he had made love to Will, and he'd fully realized that he was doing so. This path that they were heading down was just as mysterious to him as it was to Will.

But it was a path that he wanted to continue walking on, to explore. It was a path that he hadn't foreseen his life taking, but one that he was eager to follow.

Hannibal realized that he himself had fallen quiet, and that Will was watching him with trepidation in those incredibly blue eyes, looking as though he might bolt at any moment.

With a smile, Hannibal got to his feet, holding out a hand to his young lover.

"Will, I think I can better _show_ you how I feel than tell you," he said, his voice very soft. "And I would like to do that, very much, if you're willing."

Will got to his feet slowly, nodding as he placed his hand in Hannibal's. He was still very quiet, but Hannibal knew that would change quickly enough, once he had Will naked in his bed. He didn't doubt that he would be able to bring all sorts of sounds from the young man's lips.

Oh, he looked forward to shattering Will's quiet, to hearing those sounds, hearing that breathless voice begging for more -- begging for _him_.

Without a word, he led Will up the stairs to his bedroom.


	15. Happy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will has never felt this kind of happiness in his life, and he wants it to last.

Will looked up at Hannibal as the other man eased him down onto the bed. His blue eyes were side, his body trembling slightly, his lips parted on a question.

But he swallowed the words, not wanting to say anything. He wasn't sure if he was eager for what he knew was going to happen, or if he feared it.

Of course he didn't fear Hannibal making love to him. That was ridiculous.

But even though the sharp words echoed through his mind, he didn't quite believe them. He _was_ afraid of this, afraid that it would hurt again.

All right, so it hadn't been _awful_. There had been a wonder about their first time together, and it was something that he wanted to experience again. But he could do without the pain that he'd felt; that hadn't been a pleasant part of it. But didn't it only hurt the first time?

He could ask Hannibal about that, of course, but he didn't want his lover to know that he'd hurt him. It seemed .... well, ungrateful, somehow, to let him know that it hadn't been entirely pleasurable.

How would that make Hannibal feel? He didn't want to find out.

No, he wasn't afraid of this man, but he didn't want to hurt Hannibal's feelings. Will was sure that the lovemaking would become more pleasurable for him as time went on.

Though he wasn't entirely sure that Hannibal intended for this to be a long-term relationship. Maybe he'd only thought it would be a fling, and there wouldn't be many more times.

He kept back all the questions he had as Hannibal's nimble fingers moved down his shirt, undressing him quickly. He drew in a breath as the other man unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans, pulling them off, leaving him lying there naked and staring up at his lover.

It didn't take Hannibal long to remove his own clothes; he was obviously more than ready for what Will knew was going to happen, and eager for that to transpire.

Will wasn't sure that he himself was so ready, but he wanted to experience Hannibal making love to him again, to see if it would be better this time around.

He hoped that it would be a lot better, that he would love it this time.

Not that he hadn't enjoyed some aspects of it the first time, he thought as he watched Hannibal undress. He'd loved it in some ways. It had just hurt more than he'd thought it would.

But this time, he was going to be more of a participant, he told himself firmly, propping himself up on his elbows as he watched Hannibal reach into the desk drawer for the bottle of lubricant. This time, he was going to make sure that he took his own pleasure, just as Hannibal took his.

When the other man lay down beside him and pulled Will into his arms, the younger man couldn't help but bury his face against Hannibal's shoulder, words coming before he could hold them back.

"I just want to be happy," Will murmured, unable to stop himself from speaking. "I want to be happy, and I want to be with you. I want us to be together."

"We _are_ together, Will," Hannibal said softly, pausing and looking down at him. "We are together now, and it is my intention that we stay together for a very long time. If you are worried about being used and thrown away, you can rest assured that it isn't going to happen."

Will's blue eyes widened in astonishment; how had Hannibal known exactly what he feared most? It was as though this man could read his mind.

Then all his thoughts were swept away, overwhelmed by a wave of pleasure.

Hannibal's fingers were inside him, stretching him, preparing him,and all he could feel was the pleasure of those long, lean digits manipulating his body.

His hips arched up, his arms wound around Hannibal's neck, and he could hear himself begging Hannibal to take him, take him _now_ , please, that he needed this.

He cried out once when Hannibal entered him, a long, keening wail, but it was a cry of pleasure, not pain. Will wrapped his long legs around Hannibal's waist as the other man thrust into him, his hips rocking with the slow, steady rhythm that the two of them found together.

This was so different from the first time, he thought, his mind dazed with pleasure. There was no pain. There was only this sense of .... _fullness_ , of fulfillment.

He clutched at Hannibal's shoulders as his orgasm loomed nearer, crying out once more when he found his release, and felt Hannibal's climax in tandem with his own.

Afterwards, he lay spent and sated in his lover's arms.

"Are you happy, Will?" Hannibal asked, his voice very quiet. "I want to make you happy. Every day of our lives, that will be my first and most important goal."

Was he happy? Yes, Will realized. He was happier than he had ever been, lying here in his lover's arms, feeling more physically satisfied than he'd ever been in his life. He felt as though he had leapt an abyss, landing on the other side safely, leaving his troubles far behind him.

"Yes," he answered, his own voice barely a whisper. "I'm happy, Hannibal. Happier than I ever thought I could be. And I want us to stay this way for the rest of our lives."

Was that even possible? he asked himself. Could they stay this happy?

He didn't know if they could or not, but he knew that he was going to try to hold on this happiness. Now that he'd found it, he wasn't going to let it go easily.

"I am happy, too," Hannibal whispered, tilting Will's face up to his for a soft, gentle kiss. And as he closed his eyes and let himself melt into that kiss, Will hoped that their happiness would be a lasting one.


End file.
